its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
