I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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