I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize