when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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