I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
