Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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