it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
