she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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