No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
