ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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