the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
