marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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