Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
