you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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