hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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