Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sober January is a disaster.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
