easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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