I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
