I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
