Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize