last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
