Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
