Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize