Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
