You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
