i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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