But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
