I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
