i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
