Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
