Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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