stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
