4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
