just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
