just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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