it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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