i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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