Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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