She's JV to your varsity
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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