She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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