When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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