Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
