you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
