she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
