my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
