i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
