I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
