now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
