my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
