I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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