Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
