Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
