if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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