Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize