Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
