My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
