I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
