I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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