I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we're making bets on your personal life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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