Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
