i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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