can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
